Sunday, June 7, 2009

The one where Cornelius swears about the playoffs

I've been on a pretty even keel about this, but I figure I should just dump all of this right here, right now. Mom, you might not want to read this one. It's not very good and there's a lot of swearing.
Fuck You, Carolina Hurricanes.

Fuck Scott Walker, Fuck Eric Staal, Fuck Chad fucking LaRose, fuck Ryan Whitney too. Oh and Cam Ward, I hope you get passed over for olympic consideration. Really, I do. Brodeur/Luongo/Fleury instead or something.

Did I mention fuck Scott Walker?

You know when that game 7 went to OT, you got a bad feeling. When Scott fucking walker batted the fucking puck out of the fucking air to score a fucking fuck fuck goal to end the bruins season, you were either going to kill the guy next to you or internalize it.

That's why you, my wonderful reader(s) is/are getting this rant now.

Like that time you were on summer vacation and the dog you'd had since you were 6 couldn't make it up the stairs anymore so you had to take it to the vet on the way to the beach, and you didn't cry until months later.

But enough about me.

Where was I again? Oh yeah. Fuck the Hurricanes.

Fuck you, you little bitches got swept the fuck out of the Eastern Conference Finals by a team that finally played like they should have against your little shit team.

Yeah, I said it. Jersey probably should've beaten you, but Brodeur was too busy thinking about donuts to stop 2 goals at the end of the last game.

I don't like your team. Yes, it's because you beat us in the playoffs. You'd feel the same way. Go ahead and hate or gloat or whatever. The Bruins wouldn't have rolled over and been swept by the Penguins.

And you did. You couldn't handle the power of the Malkin-Crosby supergroup. Whatever.

Mrs. Walker, I hope you have a full recovery. I also hope Scott gets hit by a bus. Is that wrong? No, that's being a sports fan. Fuck 'em.

One last thing: the commenting folks over at Canes Country? Nice talking to you hicks, but you should learn things like what a reply button thread is on the SBNation platform, and what "humor" is. Also whoever that one guy was during game...6, maybe? Anyhow, commanding folks to do your bidding over the internet is, well, it's not really all that amusing or interesting.

Just like this rant. But I had to get it out sometime, and now was as good as any.

And even after all that, I loved beating the Habs.

I'm looking forward to next year already.

GO BRUINS!

4 Comments:

TravBot said...

Holy Fuck dude.

sleza said...

Yes, fuck Carolina and the bunch of uselss finns who could've been saving the fucking national team but no... they just had to go against my will just to be able to be Penguins' bitches. Fuck

jamestobrien said...

Penguins vs. Bruins would have been pretty awesome. It also would be the only battle between two nouns ending with "uins" which, I think, is probably most important.

Cornelius Hardenbergh said...

Ah, James...you always cut to the heart of the matter.

If the penguins lose, they will be the first team to lose back-to-back cup finals since....

fuck montreal.